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How to Have Sex in a Car

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When I kissed high school goodbye, I thought my days of car sex were finally behind me. I thought I’d be able to bring a lover back to my “cool” college dorm room, littered with dreamcatchers and unframed posters of Bob Marley. After I graduated, I figured I’d have a sick studio in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, and it would surely suffice. No longer would my 6’4” Gumby-like frame need to fold down the backseats of my mom’s Prius to awkwardly enter my girlfriend while one leg dangled in the passenger’s seat.

I was young, foolish, and oh-so-very wrong. Freshman year of college I lived in a triple the size of a glorified shoebox. Then it turns out New York real estate is actually really expensive (who knew?), so I would have to live with many roommates—not in Manhattan, but in deep Brooklyn. For reasons unclear, many of them don’t appreciate the sound of my head repeatedly knocking against my bed frame.

It turns out car sex isn’t just for horny teens with no place to bone besides the back of a CVS parking lot. It’s for grown-ass men and women too. The world truly is a cruel and unforgiving mistress.

Luckily, over the millennia, humans have evolved to become problem-solvers. As highly-adaptive, innovative apes, we learned to build tools, irrigate crops, and even put a man on the moon.

In 2019, we’ve also mastered having sex in a car. (Alright, “mastered” may be too strong of a word.) In 2019, we’ve also learned to have slightly above average sex in a car.

I assembled tips not just from my own personal expeirence, but also from my Instagram followers. (On my story I posed the question, “What the best way to have sex in a car?” My thirsty Instagram followers then sent me highly inappropriate and detailed descriptions of the many times they plowed in a sedan.) Now, I will bestow this coveted knowledge to you.

Tip 1: Do it in the backseat.

Sometimes, knowing what not to do is as important as knowing what to do. For example, Glenn, 28, learned you shouldn’t have sex in the front seat of a church parking lot because you may hit the horn, and the entire congregation will hear. From that mortifying experience, we know we should not have sex in the driver’s seat, since there is a likelihood of hitting the horn, and it might not be a tiny toot. If you’re adjusting you may accidentally hold down the horn for a solid, three Mississippis.

Tip 2: Fold the backseats down and move the front seats up as far as possible.

The vast majority of cars made in the past two decades have the capacity to fold the backseats down. The manufacturers did this on purpose. They want you to bone in the back. If you happen to be in a sex-negative car, which doesn’t have the ability to pop the backseats down, at least move the driver’s and passenger’s seat up as far as they can go. Is it slightly awkward waiting as the front seats move up at glacial pace? Why yes, yes it is. But that awkwardness is just one of the many pleasures of getting it on a sedan.

Tip 3: Missionary is your best friend.

Car sex is like Tetris, only instead of digital blocks you have limbs, and the rows are cleared only once you and your partner orgasm. You need to conserve space when boning in a car, and the best way to do this is through intimate, skin-to-skin sex. That’s why missionary position is ideal for car sex and certain positions—like reverse-cowgirl or the centrifugal clown spoon—are a no-go.

Tip 4: Use your clothing as comfort and support.

César, 25, suggests using your clothing as pillows, so your head doesn’t bang against the car door. I’m going to go ahead and take it one step further. You can even use your stone-washed dad jeans as props behind you (and your partner’s) back to better angle yourself for bumping uglies.

Tip 5: Tint your windows.

Are you getting busy in the car once in a blue moon or does it double as your second bedroom? If your car is the main place where you make sweet, tender love, then you should invest in some tinted windows. “I used to suck the dick of a semi-famous rapper in the parking garage of my job,” Jessica, 26, explains. She was able to do this because the SFR had tinted car windows.

wundervisualsGetty Images

Tip 6: Do doggy-style with the door open.

I’m not sure if this qualifies as sex in the car, since only one parter is in while the other has his pants at his ankles with a full-moon out for all passersby to see. However, Tyler, 27, suggests doing doggy-style in the backseat with the door open. “It’s great because you can see if any other cars are coming while you’re doing the deed,” he explains. “Also, I’m tall and any other way would be very uncomfortable.”

A final note on car sex.

If after trying all of these tips you still find yourself struggling to have half-way decent car sex, then car sex might not be for you. And you know what? That’s okay. Just remember, car sex is always going to be a little awkward and uncomfortable, but hey, at least you’re getting some.



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