Maybe you’re forever worrying that your partner’s going to let you down. Or about losing your independence. So you protect yourself by keeping your distance.
Perhaps you’re even thinking about breaking up with your partner before they have a chance to hurt you first.
Fears like those can easily lead to a pattern that will be repeated in all your relationships. So you’ll always be the first to walk away, whenever things start getting difficult.
Always expecting that the worst will happen some day. Gradually becoming more uncomfortable whenever a relationship approaches an important milestone, like meeting each other’s parents.
What can you do if you feel insecure in your relationships like that? How can you stop being the one who’s always holding back or jumping ship?
Start by asking yourself how you really feel about your current partner. Do you genuinely care for them? Want to make them happy? Love seeing them smile? Miss them when you’re apart? Always feel good when you’re together?
Let them go, of course, if you don’t. But if you do, then you need to work on the areas in your relationship where you feel uncertain, rather than giving up over your fears.
Are you worried about some difference between you, such as your religion, family, income or lifestyle? Or is it just the fear of the unknown? Of being committed? Of taking the next step, such as moving in together?
Whatever it is, think about why that’s an issue for you. Are your doubts really about your current partner or have they come from a previous bad experience?
For example, always expecting your partner to be unfaithful, just because an earlier one was? Are you worrying about something real, like a partner who’s drinking to much, or something that may never actually happen? Or are you comparing your relationship unfavourably to others around you? Perhaps you think everyone else seems happier than you, but that’s only because you can’t see behind closed doors.
Are you discussing your worries with your partner? Is that helping you to find a solution? Can you work together on issues that are coming from your past experiences?
You might like to consider talking to a counsellor to help you make sense of your worries. They’ll help you to learn from past events, challenge your fears about the future, and if necessary, tackle any real issues between you and your partner.
Because you mustn’t settle for a relationship where there’s a real problem you can’t live with.
So if that’s the case, you should have a serious conversation with your partner, put things right if you can, and move on if you can’t.
But the path to a happy and fulfilling life is always full of uncertainties. And you’ll only find true love if you’re willing to risk leaving the comfort of your familiar single world. And to challenge your fears of the unknown.