Celebrating ‘poor’ parenting in these coronavirus times

The Covid-19 pandemic is testing modern-day parenting more severely than ever.

Parenting is a daunting task on any given day, and whether you are the kind of parent who rules with iron fists or velvet gloves, every minute is a balancing act of unconditional love, courage and faith.

Former US President Barack Obama testified to the power of parenting in his farewell address in 2017.

He said that of all he had done in his life, he was most proud to be a father to his two daughters, Malia and Sasha. Like every other parent on the planet, Obama knows that there’s no magic bullet for this.

Forget what those pesky parenting videos or obnoxiously titled books say about mastering it.

The unprecedented changes brought about by the pandemic have meant that parents are spending an inordinate amount of time cooped up in houses with their children — who need to be kept busy, clean, engaged, nourished, disciplined and a host of other things.

Those privileged enough to afford gadgets like smartphones and laptops and internet connectivity have been forced to transform into substitute online teachers.

All these new dynamics in the parent-child relationship must surely have driven even the most mild-mannered parent up the wall.

With the different social and economic pressures courtesy of Covid-19 thrown into the equation, the parents’ stress levels must be ten-fold.

Of late, parents have been inundated with information on how to bring up the perfect children in these harsh times.

From news articles to TV features and social media forwards, there doesn’t seem to be a space missing information on how to become the perfect parent.

Whoever said parenting has no manual must not have met the online village that’s always ready to dish generous advice.

Unfortunately, the pandemic has also fed arguments that the modern parent coddles his child.

The latest example of what has been generally referred to as bad parenting is a news story that highlighted the case of a drunk young man and his equally drunk friends who shared a video of themselves in an ambulance on their way home in a bid to beat the curfew deadline.

The video went viral, with many condemning the parents — who’d sent the ambulance for the children — of spoiling the child, sparing the rod and all other equally self-righteous phrases.

Was the parent who sent an ambulance to bring his drunk child and friends home safely right in his actions? Was he coddling his child and in the process making him unfit for society? There are no direct answers to these very valid questions.

The truth is that nobody can or should stand in judgement of any parent until they have walked in their shoes.

To say that a parent whose child is wayward has failed at his or her job, especially at such a time, is patently unfair.

Even the most tyrannical parent will tell you that sawing horns off a child’s head takes much more that the classic phrase “because I said so!”, which worked wonders in the pre-internet era.

Nobody sets out to fail in parenting, unless they are sociopaths, in which case they should not be allowed to parent in the first place.

Even those parents who do everything by the book sometimes raise children that they are not proud to release into the world.

Overwhelmed by the Covid-19 crisis, most parents are struggling not just to put food on the table but also bring up upstanding citizens and are just doing the best that they can.

The aggressive and judgemental messages camouflaged as slick advice from the village that’s supposed to help them raise their children don’t help much in easing the stress involved.

Their imperfections as parents are what make them human, so judging their mistakes and imposing any expectations of perfection dehumanises them.

In these unpredictable times, parents are just fumbling for coping strategies, and they should be reassured that as long as they have the basics — like love, food, shelter and education — covered, no amount of parenting tips will make them any better.