We must stop referring to murder as love affairs gone wrong

I don’t know what kind of movies people watch, but in a traditional romcom scenario, one of the lovers does not end up dead.

In the same fashion, we cannot keep writing endless headlines about a love turned sour, if it was clearly never love in the first place.

There was a recent story titled ‘Deadly Love Affair’ by a local television station, which told the story of a Form Two student who killed a 29-year-old cobbler.

The 17-year-old went to the marketplace, according to the police, and then the cobbler tried to force her to do something sexual that she didn’t want to do.

She then went and purchased a knife and stabbed him, fatally, in the ear.

Now, of course I don’t expect a 17-year-old in a relationship (they said he was her boyfriend) with a 29-year-old to be acting rationally, particularly not after she feels like she has been assaulted.

Then again, how was this ‘relationship’ occurring in the first place? What in the world were they talking about that could have led to a fruitful and fulfilling relationship?

Clearly, nothing, if his dead body post-scuffle was anything to go by; if we believe that they were in a relationship.

The OCPD quoted in the report said that parents should keep their children in check over the school holidays.

How exactly are parents supposed to keep their children in check when men cannot keep themselves in check, by perhaps holding themselves back from forcing teenagers into sex acts?

That should have been what the policeman asked people to do – impress on the public that a relationship with a minor is illegal (though God knows that should be obvious), and tell men, in this holiday season that hey, men out there, maybe rape is a bad idea, particularly if the girl is 17 years old and in Form 2 and you are a full 12 years older than her.

The man attacked her. She stabbed him.

Femicide is a problem. Assault on women is a problem, still, which is why, decades later, we still have to have 16 Days of Activism Against GBV across the globe. Because the problem is not stopping. And calling violence love is NOT it. That communicates a disturbing message to those who read those words.

Women are raised to be consistently vigilant. Don’t sit here. Don’t sit on him. Don’t sit on anyone. Don’t sit like that. Don’t walk at night. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t talk to this uncle. Don’t walk alone. Don’t seduce. Don’t be unfriendly. Don’t walk in the daytime. Talk to only this cousin. Tell your teacher. Don’t tell anyone, you’ll embarrass the family.

How many different ways can we blame women for their attacker’s actions?

I am not saying she didn’t kill a man. I am saying it was self-defence. And I am saying it was most definitely not love.