You Think Forgiveness is Easy? Think Again

By George Kimando

Last Sunday, we examined the therapeutic effects of forgiveness and why it’s cardinal to release unforgiveness if we are to live a fulfilling life.

A Priest friend of mine who is an avid reader of this column called and asked me: do you know how difficult it is to forgive?

He then shared with me nine key reasons why people find it difficult to forgive others. This came with a challenge, that i rate myself honestly against these obstacles, and determine how well i overcome them when faced with unforgiveness.

The other challenge was to consciously examine my conscience every time i interact with others and i feel offended.

I do the honours of extending the same challenge to you as i share these nine considered obstacles to forgiveness.

Here we go:

1. Lack of desire to forgive: You simply don’t want to forgive, and make no effort towards it.
2. Rehearsing what happened: Some people continue to dwell on the hurtful experience, replaying it over and over again in their minds. This makes it difficult to let go and builds a desire to revenge and get even.
3. Pride: many believe the other person should initiate reconciliation. They don’t realize it’s about them, and not the other person. Almost all broken marriages/relationships have this as a core cause.
4. Fear: Some resist forgiving to avoid looking weak, being misunderstood, or feeling rejected. It connects to pride in a very fundamental way.
5. Negative advice: Well-meaning friends don’t always offer sound counsel. In most cases, friends, family and relations will be prejudiced in their opinion and/or advise.
6. Partial forgiveness: People pick and choose which offenses can be pardoned. They forget forgiveness has no middle ground: you either forgive absolutely or you don’t at all.
7. Relying on emotions: Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you feel like forgiving. Emotional ‘reasoning’ is no reasoning at all.
8. Expecting quick results: Forgiveness can take time. Have no time limits, release and let go. Unconditionally.
9. Justifying the other person’s actions: Some people will rationalize what happened and blame the other person so that they don’t have to forgive.

Where are you at?

Have a forgiving Sunday, and a great week ahead.