Respect for the dead and other strange things

Because death is a constant, I've been thinking about "respect" for the dead as an imaginary cloud that hangs over us and somehow erases the truth about who people were when they lived.

I'm reminded of the eulogy of our neighbour's son — a well-known armed robber — stating how he was a God-fearing human who made mistakes even though he tried his best to be upright.

This man was the leader of a gang that terrorised and violently robbed and raped people then hid behind occasional "good" deeds.

He disguised himself so well that you would easily forget he was the reason why many boys dropped out of school to join his gang.

He was the reason my childhood friend and many other women and girls got raped, houses broken into, people beaten in the dead of night and families moved because of insecurity.

Yet, somehow when he died, he was accorded respect because dead people must be granted dignity.

What is all this "fear of the dead" about, and how do we reorient ourselves out of it?

I understand cultural beliefs and religion have a big role to play in the way we handle issues of death, afterlife, ghosts and spirits, but can there be space for questioning these beliefs?

For example, when we use respect for the dead as a way to erase truth, aren't we being dangerously harmful towards the people who were harmed by the now-dead person?

The fact that when one is alive they can choose to be as dreadful as they can, then when they die it comes down to selective remembrance of who they are is honestly a huge moral flaw.

I've seen this with political leaders who get into power claiming liberation of the people then end up hoarding, abusing and wielding this power to cause insurmountable harm.

And because they're untouchable like our neighbourhood armed robber who was protected by the local church and police due to his generous donations, they're allowed to run amok while the people left behind when they die are admonished for being honest in how they choose to remember and speak about them.

The trail of endless trauma caused by these people when they lived ends up being seen as just one of those things we have to deal with yet this shouldn’t be the case.

People can choose to be better when they have the opportunity but simply don't.

We should, therefore, begin to interrogate why respect for the dead is greater than respect for the living.

It serves no purpose to live a life that demonstrated zero accountability, humanity, empathy or consciousness then expect to be granted these when you die.

It's only fair that if we want to be remembered as good people while we lived, we must choose to live good lives that honour others.

Our morality bar must be raised higher than what it is where we expect people to live in fear for dead people while the dead didn't have any reservations or fear in their quest for harm.

If it is culture, we must question it; if it is religion, we must unpack it because both of these should set a new standard of right and wrong.