Tell him the truth about your past soon

Recently, a friend travelled to meet the family of a woman he has been dating for a year and a half and was just about to marry. They were both ecstatic, or so he thought. This visit had been planned and unplanned many times. When they finally got there, he understood why when a lanky girl, about 10, flung open the gate and threw herself at his girlfriend calling her Mommy. He never made it inside that compound and their union of course was over before it even began.

When asked later why she did not tell the man the truth, she said that he just never asked. He has been told that he overreacted. That these things happen, she was probably just scared of losing him and she should get a fair chance. He adamant that she conned him.

“I have dated women with children before, that is not the issue. It’s the deception. If she can lie about a whole human being, what else has she lied about? How do I even know that her name is really her name or that she is as old as she says she is?” he poses.

I hear him. I like to know what I am getting in to straight up! Some conversations should be had before a man begins introducing you to anyone as his girlfriend. Any children you may have even if you do not have custody of them, any chronic illnesses, he should know. Relationships are about compromise but some life decisions do not have a middle ground. If he often talks about children but you do not want any, do not let him get down on one knee without telling him your truth. And if you have been broody since you finished high school and he tells you he does not envision a future where there are children, do not conceal your truth hoping that once he sees how lovely your sister’s children are, he will come around. This is conning him.

On the flip side, when getting into a new relationship. Share even the heavy facts of your life. If you can’t have children, tell him. If you were a lady of the night at a point of your life, tell him. Don’t let him hear it from elsewhere. You may have left all of that behind but the past never really leaves us. And if you do marry him, your past will become his.

Don’t hide your truth and just cross your fingers and hope that they do not find out. Don’t try to throw that weak, ‘But you never asked’ excuse. Not telling a man you have been seeing for months about that ten-year-old back home is still deception even if they did not ask.

 I mean, wouldn’t you like to know for sure whether your love interest would still choose you even after seeing all your darkness?