What happens when college kids leave the nest

THE DOUBLE LIFE

I don’t know if they are being naïve or our parents are just ignorant. Most of the youths in Kenya are living double lives right under the noses of their parents. In Nairobi guys are partying and living large but when they go to shags they maintain a low profile. You have been drinking whiskey in Nairobi like its chicken soup but the moment you land in up country you pretend like you are allergic to alcohol. Universities across the country hold the largest number of youths mostly between 18-26 years; students from various parts of the state meet here to study. At this age they are sexually active and their bodies are raging with hormones. Sex in university is like a common unit, almost everybody is taking it but just like the exam results nobody wants to talk about it.

Our parents are still living in that bubble of sex before marriage is a sin meanwhile their kids are smashing like it’s nobody’s business. Your folks send you to campus as a virgin and drug free child hoping that you will stay that way. There is this thing called ‘fresher’s night’ in campus where the 1^st years are introduced into the system, there is music, alcohol, deejays people are partying; leaving this party a virgin is a miracle. You turned up as a teetotaler but leave the party drunk to your neck. People go to these kinda parties for different reasons; there are some who love the night life so they go there strictly to have fun, the horny ones go there hoping to get laid and others just go because their friends are going. That’s why when you go to an outdoor party you will find people dancing near the stage, others are just drinking and then there are those hitting it at the back.

In campus people move in together, smash whenever, do drugs, break up, and move along with other partners and the cycle continues. You send your daughter to school when she is very innocent but just after two semesters she is already living with a man under the same roof, here all they do is have sex and watch movies. Babies will be made, abortions will be done and nobody at home will ever find out until it too late. The funny thing is that when she is in school sex to her is a hobby but when she is at home she behaves like she has never seen a man naked. Guardians usually fall for these trick because apparently they think the kids can’t lie to them.

Teenagers depend on their parents for a lot of things other than just school fees. Upkeep, food, clothing and little dough for emergencies are all provided by their folks. They wouldn’t wana spoil their ‘good’ names by misbehaving in front of their parents. Most of the African parents gauge their children’s discipline by how they behave when they are at home. If you remain on their good side during the holydays they will give you more money than when you show them your real side; I am calling it the real side because the real personality of a person comes out when they are in an uncontrolled environment. This habit of pretending to be holy when you are with your parents is the only way for you to protect your source of money. This good behavior usually ends when they leave home and the hoe phase begins immediately.

People who were raised by conservative parents usually end up getting lost in the world of freedom. They have known rules all their lives but after high school they go to campuses where there is a lot of freedom. Trust me they will try and make the most of it because they came from a controlled space. They will try out everything from sex, drugs, partying and just living life without a care in the world. And you know when you are on a roll you will tick off the whole bucket list especially drugs; you will use all the types you can get your hands on just because nobody is there to stop you.

A lot of this double life thing has been going on for the longest time but nobody is talking about it. You are at home watching TV and then two actors start kissing, the African mother will definitely change the channel or send you to the kitchen to pick something. All this is just to avoid talking about the weird vibe in the room brought by the kissing actors. To them erotic scenes like these are spoiling the children, I wish they knew their offspring have done far much worse. It doesn’t have to be weird in the first place, situations like these should be a teachable moment for the kids. Parents can use this opportunity to talk to their kids on safe sex, regular HIV testing, stds and life in general. We are past the debate on premarital sex, everybody right now is smashing so we should start from there.

Sex and drugs is all that young people talk about when they hang out. Hot-blooded adolescence boys usually talk about their latest sex escapades when they meet up. They even talk about the girls they are planning to hit on. If you know what ‘udaku’ means then you will understand me when I say girls usually gossip about men too. When you are with your friends and you listen to their thrilling sex stories you will obviously want to experience the same. Peer pressure can make you do a lot of stuff that you are usually not into.

Children lie to because parents have set the precedent that it’s weird to talk about sex with them. Sometimes I think to myself that if parents knew what happens in towns and universities they would lock their kids in cages. The solution to all this is having more conversations, talk to your child about sex as soon as you think they are ready for that kind of conversation. One of the signs to look out for is contraceptives and condoms, this is a clear indication that they are sexually active. Talk to them about consequences of sex and the importance of safe sex. If these discussions are held frequently, these weird cloud on sex will slowly vanish.

With the advancement of technology, young people can get the information they need in matter of seconds. This is where issues of

pornography and masturbation comes in because with a phone and internet you can easily download pretty much anything. A lot of teenagers today are battling with porn addiction but their parents have no clue and with pornography masturbation easily becomes a habit. Some start masturbating at a young age but due to addiction they do it even after they are married. All of these are things that young people indulge in but their parents hardly find out. We need to talk more about sex, drugs, masturbation, porn, stds and all the other things that revolve around a teenager’s life. If we talk about it, itwill be so normal that nobody will have to live a double life.

Courtesy Kim Koima