What it’s like to be a first-time father during the pandemic

As the world marks Father’s Day, it is a given that nothing quite really prepares one for fatherhood like the journey itself.

But what if one becomes a new father during a pandemic, when most operations and human interactions are on the low? It is a roller-coaster, from what Lifestyle  found out after talking to new dads. It is almost like swimming against the tide in a pool clogged by restricted movements, scarce resources, fear of contracting the disease and infecting the delicate bundle of joy, added to the pressures a new father has to face.

The novice fathers in this sink-or-swim situation shared the experiences of their parenting journey: The perks that come with it, the fears, and how Covid-19 has affected it all.

Benard Njika, 27: Our parents are yet to interact with their grandson, three months on

A few days before Kenya confirmed its first case of coronavirus, Njika and his wife were blessed with a baby boy. They named him JohnLee Marcus Njika.

“When I got a job in Nairobi and moved from Mombasa, my girlfriend could visit me at least twice a month,” he says. “A few weeks later, she informed me that she was pregnant. Then she lost her job. That meant that she had to move in with me. It was a difficult yet convenient decision I had to make.”

That saw him take up the role of a husband, unprepared as he was as they waited for their baby.

“We needed each other’s presence as an encouragement to wade through the not-so-perky lifestyle we were living then and psyche ourselves to receive our baby,” says Njika.

When baby Lee finally arrived, he says, it was a wonderful moment with a steep learning curve.

“I wasn’t sure whether all was well inside the labour room. I was anxious to meet my wife and our baby for the first time. I waited by the entrance of the labour room,” he narrates.

He had tagged along a number of friends who kept him awake and encouraged him all the way.

By 8am the next day, he was still waiting to be the newest dad in town. When Lee finally arrived, it wasn’t without a plot twist.

“My wife informed me that he had developed breathing complications,” he says. “When I first saw Lee, the nurses were rushing him to the nursery. That meant I could not hold him till the next day or so. Imagine how anxious I was.”

Fatherhood, he says, has really changed his life in unimaginable ways. “Joining boys for a weekend night has ceased.”

These being the times of little cash at the disposal of many, the money he gets is channelled towards buying diapers and other essentials needed by his wife and child. He now changes diapers in the wee hours of the night and has to sacrifice his sleep to soothe Lee back to sleep during the night.

“I have even started a kitchen garden in my balcony where I plant some onions, capsicum and tomatoes just to cut on some expenses,” he says.

The young dad is also basking in the emotional boost that comes with the role.

“It is such a joy to have someone you think of all through the day; that no matter how ugly your day has been, you always look forward to going home in the evening. Lee keeps me on toes and gives me one more reason to keep going,” says Njika.

It has been a journey of reformation. He had never imagined that his life would have to change drastically one day, but he is keen to learn on the job.

He says he enjoys feeding and bathing Lee. But loathes having to wake up in the middle of the night to attend to him especially on days he has to wake up early in the morning to be at work on time.

With the Covid-19 pandemic having no foreseeable end, he fears not being able to provide for his young family as the virus outbreak keeps pushing the economy into unchartered waters.

Njika’s desire is to be ever present for his family at their every point of need.

“For my son especially, I want to be able to meet his needs — basic needs, toys and discipline — for as long as I am alive. And provide him with all the luxuries I could never afford as a child. So help me God,” he proclaims.

Had he been a father in normal times, he says, by now he would have taken Lee upcountry to meet his grandparents for their blessings.

“They only see him on photos that I share with them,” he says.

Valentine Ochieng Wanyingo, 29: I would have fared better without government restrictions

Ochieng’s 2020 has been a year of double blessings and difficulties. He is now a father of two, a boy and a girl, born by different mothers in January and June.

He had longed to be a father but nothing really prepared him for the current role. Therefore, it didn’t help matters that his entry into fatherhood has been entangled in the Covid-19 pandemic, with the virus currently infecting Kenyans by hundreds.

“Born of different mothers, months apart, Delan Trevor Ochieng and Tryler Jaffer Ochieng arrived during the corona-battered times, ushering me into fatherhood,” he says.

Fatherhood, according to him, has changed his life “immeasurably”, and has largely been a tough journey.

“Nothing keeps my heart beating more than the thoughts of my beautiful daughter and adorable son,” he says.

Providing for two families is an uphill task. While he harbours no fear venturing into the murky waters of fatherhood at a time when he is the sole breadwinner of the family and during a pandemic, Ochieng admits that it is a tall order.

Going forward, he has vowed to take a calculated walk into parenting

“I am opting for family planning options bearing in mind the uncertain times the country is wading through,” he says. “Life has been very tough and somewhat strange. With myself as the only provider and the pandemic sweeping through the region, it sure has been baptism by fire.”

 “Without the current restrictions imposed by the government, I suppose, I would have been pulling the role so seamlessly,” he adds. “But I have learnt not to be overwhelmed, and instead live by the mantra: ‘Every day takes care of itself at the right time.’”

Ian Karuri, 24: Wife went into labour on curfew night

Until baby Sanaa Wakio Ayitso Karuri came, Karuri never knew what to expect or how to prepare for the new role he was about to assume. But the thought of fatherhood itself, he says, was mind-blowing.

“I now realise it is more of a spontaneous role,” he says.

With the “insane thoughts of my daughter in her mother’s womb” clouding his mind, the very minute of perching his eyes on his daughter, he recalls, was surreal and felt like watching a miracle unfolding right before him.

“That moment when I was in hospital with my partner and heard my daughter’s first cry, I felt a rush of emotion and it is like everything came alive,” he says.

As a young parent, he says, you constantly get remarks such as “it’s going to be hard” from people, a notion he disagrees with.

“Paternal instincts really do kick in with fatherhood,” he says. “I realised the need to be a wholesomely good influence to my daughter. I have had to adjust my emotional, physical, social, financial and spiritual aspect to be more proactive than ever.”

Fatherhood comes with its share of both highs and lows, and Karuri thinks the good outweighs the bad. It is the high-pitched wails from his daughter and getting less sleep that trouble him “but it’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Since there is “no marking scheme” for fatherhood, everyone takes a gamble in the hope that they are doing the right thing. Ian, particularly, fears “messing up”.

“The love I have for my daughter is so immense that I fear failing to be the best dad she ever needs,” he says.

His partner started experiencing labour pains at 1am on a night when there was a dusk-to-dawn curfew as a Covid-19 containment measure.

Out of the fear of being harassed by police, and not knowing how this would go, he tried dialing the help lines issued by the government, but they were not going through. It was an edgy moment punctuated with anxiety and confusion.

It was therefore relieving that the delivery happened at 6.48am that morning.

“In the face of the pandemic, cases of pregnant women either dying or delivering distressed or stillborn babies are common. Or worse, you can lose them both — the mum who wasn’t ill and the beloved baby — to fate when no medic can save their lives. I am glad and humbled that I am now a dad,” he says.