Let’s help Chief Kadhi break the virginity myth

It's a truth universally acknowledged that a woman’s worth is often yoked to her morality.

And since time immemorial, virginity has been used as the litmus test for a woman’s morality. Time is ripe to end this.

Sexual purity, especially among women, is advocated and encouraged across many religions and cultures, in some more explicitly than in others.

For men, sexual purity is frowned upon. In fact, a man with multiple sexual partners has specific praise names reserved for him.

It is a requirement for a Muslim woman to state on the marriage certificate whether she is virgin, but this is something that may soon be a thing of the past if the Chief Kadhi Ahmed Muhdhar gets his way.

A recent Daily Nation article indicated that in six months, Sheikh Muddhar plans to delete the section that requires this.

His justification is that not only is the information unnecessary, it is also private and should remain between couples.

He notes that it was unfair to women to declare their status, yet men are not expected to do so.

This decision has sparked mixed reactions among Muslim faithful and clerics. Some of those opposed to it say that the requirement helps women abstain from sex.

Christians are a little more subtle in their expectations on virginity, but the fact that the church preaches abstinence and often shuns those who have tasted the “forbidden fruit” is evidence that sexual purity is highly valued.

During dowry payment ceremonies in most Kenyan communities, a man will often be fined if he has already tasted the “forbidden fruit” of the woman he intends to marry.

Last year, American rapper TI sparked a worldwide debate when he admitted in a podcast interview that he used to take his then-18-year-old daughter for yearly virginity tests to ensure that her hymen is still intact.

Such a comment from a rapper is to be expected, though, because the objectification of women is the first lesson they teach you at rap academy.

The symbol of virginity, the hymen, is also controversial. Scientists have it that some women are born without it.

The membrane can also be ruptured if a girl engages in certain sports or uses a tampon. The World Health Organisation termed virginity tests as medically unnecessary, harmful and a violation of human rights and ethical standards.

Now, abstinence is a religious choice in many ways and this piece is not advocating for anyone not to remain sexually pure but, given its far-reaching repercussions, it is important to look at the expectation of virginity without religious lenses.

It is preposterous to believe that in this day and age, men and women are entering into marriages as virgins.

If they are, then the numbers must be quite low. In the 2014 Kenya Demographic Health Survey, women and men were asked how old they were when they had their first sexual intercourse.

The study found that men have an earlier sexual debut, at 17.4 years, while women have theirs at 18.0 years. It also found that Kenyan women get married at a median age of 25-49 and men at 30-54.

The obsession in our religions and cultures about sex has been about whether women are having it, with the result being that women often end up being oppressed by the expectation that they should be sexually pure.

But there are bigger concerns that are given casual attention: HIV and other sexually transmitted infections and contraception.

Data from the National Aids Control Council shows that in 2019, married couples and those in stable relationships accounted for 44 per cent of the more than 90,000 new annual HIV infections in Kenya.

This tells us that there should be a bigger push for safe sex and the use of contraceptives among those having sex, whether they are married or not.

Abstinence can definitely be a beautiful thing with numerous benefits. It only becomes a monster and begins to bite hard when it is used to impose moral standards on women.