Stephen Colbert Can Relate to Ted Cruz

“I can relate to Ted Cruz,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night. “Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too.”

“And get this: 85 percent of people who watched Biden’s speech approved of it. That’s amazing. The only other things Americans like that much are Dolly Parton and cheese fries.” — JIMMY FALLON

“In Trump’s first 100 days he accomplished a lot, too. He tweeted that Snoop Dogg’s career was failing, that Nordstrom was mean to Ivanka, and that he was a better host of ‘The Apprentice’ than Arnold Schwarzenegger.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Bits Worth Watching

Desus and Mero shared some thoughts about Justin Bieber’s new dreadlocks.