You Live Your Life Online. Don’t Forget Your Manners

He suggests to always start with a higher level of formality and work your way down. From there, you should look at what other people are doing and try to reflect their behavior back.

“It’s exactly the same as going out for a business lunch in a country you’re unfamiliar with,” Mr. Wesson said. “You keep your eyes and ears open.” In an email chain, this could mean starting with a formal means of address, such as “Dear Mr. Wesson,” but then switching to “Hi Rupert” if the conversation becomes more familiar.

“One of the principles of being polite with language is that the more effort it takes you to do something, the more polite it’s often considered,” Ms McCulloch said. Instead of asking someone, “Could you close the window?” you might ask, “Would you mind possibly closing the window?” The meaning is the same, but the second option shows a degree of extra effort in an attempt to be more considerate.

There are occasions, however, when the “politest” option may not actually be the most appropriate. If you have a close relationship with someone, switching to a more formal register can introduce a note of distance. Using complex sentences with impeccable grammar in a group chat with your friends is likely to come across as rather aloof.

“Sometimes the politest form may not actually be the one that signals the right thing about your relationship,” Ms. McCulloch said.

Stay human

There are plenty of specific digital etiquette pointers to live by: don’t reply-all to an all-office email; always get consent before sending an intimate photo; never leave a voicemail (a text message shows much more respect for the other person’s time). But in general, it’s hard to formalize exactly what the rules are.

“It’s like nailing jelly to a wall,” Mr. Wesson said. “It keeps moving, and it keeps developing.”

Etiquette in the digital world can shift particularly quickly as new technologies and platforms call for the development of new standards. The widespread adoption of the smartphone, for instance, completely upturned our expectations around email; as soon as we all gained the ability to check email on the go, we began to expect people to respond much more quickly than before. Though even that expectation already may be passé as concerns around unplugging and embracing our down time take root.