Give Compassionate Feedback While Still Being Constructive

Recently, I received a comment about Thrive’s all-hands team meeting continuously starting late. There was a clear reason in that our Leadership meeting, which directly precedes the team meeting, often runs late. And though it may not have been as noticeable in our New York headquarters, the person commenting explained how remote offices and employees felt like their time wasn’t being respected as they waited for us to dial in. It was a great piece of feedback that we wouldn’t have acknowledged had it not been raised, and it had a simple solution — we now start our team meeting 10 minutes after the hour to make sure that we have time to dial in.

To get started implementing compassionate-directness into your own life, here are some of my favorite related microsteps, which are small, science-backed actions you can start taking immediately to build habits that significantly improve your life.

Give one piece of constructive feedback and let it stand on its own.

Don’t undermine your message by padding it with irrelevant positive statements. This might be uncomfortable at first, but research shows that people are hungry for constructive feedback.

Before your next one-on-one, pause to reflect before giving feedback.

If you’re stressed or rushed, you’re more likely to deliver feedback without compassion or empathy — even if that’s unintentional.

When you notice a problem, find a way to surface it immediately.

Don’t just hope a problem will go away, or assume someone else will fix it. When you speak up with compassionate directness, everyone benefits.

In your next meeting or one-on-one, consider another person’s perspective.

It can be as simple as pausing before a meeting to ask yourself, “Where is this person coming from?” By zooming out, you’ll be better able to see others’ motivations and understand their priorities.

When you receive constructive feedback, write it down and come back to it later. This will allow you to move beyond the emotion of the moment and consider more dispassionately whether it holds truth for you.