ONEYA: Abusive relationships have taken root; it’s showing in our politics

In William Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet, two dewy-eyed lovers take their own lives in the name of love. Romeo also murders a man in the name of love in the tragedy.

There have been many Romeos and Juliets in the news of late.

The story whose cruelty levels are almost unimaginable in my opinion is one reported by the Daily Nation on March 29 about a 21-year-old college student, Ms Esther Wambui, who is said to have hired five men to “discipline” her lover, Mr Dennis Okumu, following a domestic dispute, but the attackers killed him instead.

The two had a child together and Ms Wambui’s mother and a relative are accused of helping her execute the crime.

Sadly, hardly a week passes by in Kenya without similarly themed stories being reported. Stories of women killing their men.

Of men killing their women. Of children being caught up in the violence and losing their lives. Of men and women committing suicide because of love.

And yet these women and men choose to stay in these abusive relationships. Have abusive relationships in Kenya become so entrenched in our lives that we now treat them as business as usual?

The pattern of abuse not only shows up in romantic relationships but is mirrored in the way we relate with our political leaders.

Most of us are in one humongous abusive relationship with them; we are all part of a tragic love story that will stay so for a while, if statistics about abusive relationships are anything to go by.

Most politicians are sociopaths, yet we elect them and stay with them even when leaving them is a valid option.

The website of the magazine Psychology Today, which demystifies all matters psychology, explains that one of the signs of sociopaths is that they disregard (or violate) the rights of others.

It’s no secret that there have been a number of human rights violations — including senseless murders, gender injustices, land grabbing and violations of media freedom — that have happened under the watch of our political leaders.

And our children have borne the brunt of these abusive relationships. Remember the Lang’ata Road Primary School children who got teargassed by policemen for fighting for their playground when it was grabbed by a “private developer” in 2015?

Or Baby Pendo, who died when her head was smashed by policemen as her mother held her in the wake of the 2017 post-election unrest? Or the 60 infants who have died at Kiambu Level Five Hospital since December 2018.

Psychology Today also states that sociopaths lack a conscience, so they will do anything to get what they want. They are fast-talkers who use words to mask their behaviour.

They will tell you stories about fighting corruption, fighting poverty, fighting gender inequality and infant mortality but do next to nothing to keep their word because it benefits them to keep the people they are dominating down.

They will start their “vitendawilis” with so much charm and gusto that you will lean towards the TV to soak in their words.

Memes will emerge from their “kijana fupi, amenona, round” phrases. They will offer huge but empty promises.

Empty promises like of a Sh21 billion dam, or of wheelbarrows that cost Sh100,000 each. Or of a Sh3.7 million cow.

Not only are sociopaths masters of deception, Psychology Today adds, but they are also experts at playing the victims.

How many times have we heard politicians blaming their “enemies” for their predicaments? They don’t take responsibility for their actions as we let them sashay off to the next general elections as we rubber-stamp their buffoonery by voting for them.

The abusive marriage with sociopath politicians needs to come to an end at some point.

Research indicates that it takes an average of seven tries for someone to leave an abusive relationship. Who knows, perhaps we will be seventh time lucky in the next elections.

My point is that like the women and men in abusive relationships, we also need to start telling ourselves as Kenyans that it is okay to leave, too.

We obviously can’t leave our country — at least, I can’t — but we can stop voting them in during elections. That’s the only place this divorce can happen.

It’s okay to choose ourselves over sociopaths and narcissists.