Five parenting traits that make you a toxic parent

Every parent has a particular style of parenting and we cannot judge anyone on their preference. Raising children is not a simple task and like everyone else, parents too make mistakes. However, there are those parent who go beyond making mistakes and instead subject their children to harmful behaviours such mental and emotional stress that affect the proper growth of the children. There is a difference between making mistakes and subjecting your children to toxic parenting behaviours. Subjecting your children to bad traits does not only mean abandoning or neglecting them. The way you interact with your children and the manner in which you exercise your authority as a parent also needs to be appropriate.  

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Toxic parenting has dire long-lasting effects on the children. Since most of the time this is done without realizing, it is vital that, as a parent, you recognize the behaviours that you exhibit that are grouped as toxic to the wellbeing of your children. Here are some common ones you should be aware of:

Breaching your children’s privacy

Are you always complaining about your children not sharing details about their personal lives with you? You feel that your children value their friends more than they value you? Well, could be because you do not respect their privacy. As parents, we are guilty of sharing our children’s problems with relatives, neighbours and friends. You could be feeling that you are seeking advice but at the end of the day you are not being fair to your children. You are breaching their privacy and they may find it hard to ever trust you again.

The same goes to making judgements when your children approach you with their issues. Don’t make jokes or be sarcastic, intentionally or not, as these will affect your child’s behavior. You don’t want your children keeping secrets from you so be as accommodating as possible and listen to their problems without judging, and help them out as much as you can.

Having high expectations

As parents, we want our children to excel, perform at their highest. This is alright, however, there are toxic parents who will push their children to their limits and even when they actual prosper, they don’t give the children the much deserved appreciation. You need to motivate your kids and praise them for the much they achieve. If you don’t appreciate their efforts, they end up feeling demotivated and they may start thinking that they are ‘worthless.’

Failing to take ownership of your actions

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There are those parents who want to have full control over the lives of their kids. The parents guilty of this is toxic trait want their kids to live according to their expectations and rules. When you want your children to do things a particular way, if something goes wrong, you should be ready and willing to take responsibility. Don’t rest blame on the kids for failures resulting from your rules and demands. Other than making the life of your kids miserable, this trait also teaches your kids that they don’t have to take ownership of their behaviours and actions.

Constantly discussing failures

Toxic parents have a tendency of always discussing the mistakes made by their children. While at it, some go the extra mile of passing derogatory comments about the children. As a parent, you need to encourage your children to forget their failures and urge them to move on. When in trouble, children will always run to their parents for help and the last thing you want as a parent is to have your child depending on other people for help. As a parent, never dwell on failure and mistakes of your children as this only works to demoralize them and make them feel inferior.

Infringing on your kids personal space

You need to let your child have some sort of private life. Personal space does not only mean physical spaces like their rooms and closets but also constantly following them up with calls and texts with endless inquiries whenever they are out of your view. Don’t frustrate your children by chocking them as this, in the long run, works against you. You need to find better ways of ensuring their safety, and good behavior, other than making invasions into their private lives lest you risk your kids getting rebellious. 

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