Four things you shouldn’t say to your friend after a breakup

Breakups suck, there’s no lying about that. Whether the relationship you were in was toxic or not, letting go of someone you committed to is difficult. I’ve had my fair share of breakups, many resulting in numerous questions that I now know only time can answer.

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It gets even harder when you’re watching your friend going through the motions of grieving her lost love. You want to be there for her, comfort her and, at the same time, punch that guy in the nose for breaking her heart.

Even though you might want to see your friend move on quickly, and possibly find someone better, there’s no way you can accelerate the process. Instead, you have to allow her to mourn the relationship and heal from it so that, somewhere down the line, she can move to the next phase of her life.

Below are things you should never say to your friend when she/he is going through a breakup.

1. I always knew he was no good

Someone once pointed out the flaws of a new ex just hours after we had broken up. When I asked why she hadn’t told me these things earlier she said, “I thought you knew!” [Insert shocked face emoji] I was dumbstruck. How could she have known these things about him and not mentioned them to me earlier? How could she allow me to go through all this?

Instead of pointing out your friend’s ex’s flaws, remind her of the things she complained about when in the relationship. This will help her face up to the fact that the relationship wasn’t healthy to begin with.

2. There are so many other men out there

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“I know there are plenty of fish in the sea but I wanted that one!” is my response whenever someone tells me this. Your friend just lost the one man she had chosen and this is not the right time to remind her of everyone else. Using the ‘plenty of fish’ argument belittles your friend’s relationship making it seem like it wasn’t important.

3. Don’t waste your tears on him

Everybody mourns differently. For some, it lasts a day while for others it can go on for weeks. Allow your friend to mourn and give her as much time as she needs. It’s not a waste of tears to cry over a love that you lost.

Remember, your friend is at her most vulnerable right now and she needs the assurance that she can come to you, anytime, if she needs to cry, vent or wallow.

4. God always has a plan for us

This is true, but maybe right now isn’t the right time to tell me that. Telling your friend that everything happens for a reason can also come across as belittling her sorrow and experience. Remember that, while there truly might be better things awaiting her, she needs to feel that the relationship that has just ended was also a significant part of her life experience. She needs to know that you respect her choice (to be in that relationship), that you also acknowledge that it didn’t work out and you will be there to support her.

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