Opinion | Dreading Your Kids’ Annoying Christmas Gifts? You Need a Grinch

So be it. When I’ve told others about my Grinchiness, the most common question that follows is, “Don’t the kids miss their toys?” And they answer is “Yes.” For about five minutes. And then neither my sister nor anyone else hears about them again. The kids look for it, they can’t find it, they move on.

I take no pleasure in it. Well, I take some pleasure, in that it makes my sister’s and her husband’s lives easier and improves the quality of the kids’ playtime. For every disappeared musical Sesame Street toy, there is more drawing; for every bedtime story without Angelina there is one with Wild Things or Eloise. These are not my decisions to make, except they are. Even without my sister’s tacit approval and thanks, this is what uncles do. We help out, often in ways parents cannot.

Christmas is exhausting for parents. My sister has to deal with shopping and Santa and the big dinner and transport and family. So why wouldn’t I help out where I can? At the end of the day, if I cannot spare my sister the song-and-dance of Christmas, at least I can spare her that particular song.

Ultimately, it is less an issue of taste than one of excess, something our culture has a problem with. Kids’ toys are cheap. Christmas is an orgy of plastic, pink, lost pieces and paper. It’s not good — for the kids, for the parents, for the gift givers, for the environment.

My Grinchy model, or his creator, Dr. Seuss, summed it up nicely: “What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

Which is why I know I’m a good uncle. But I’m a better brother.

John Ortved (@jortved) has written articles and essays for The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, GQ and The New York Times, where he is a regular contributor to the Style section.

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