MPs, you have a million things to fix; not discuss a cancelled match!

By ELSIE EYAKUZE

A few weeks ago, there was a match cancelled in Dar. I wouldn’t normally bother to tell you about it because, how is a cancelled match even a topic of conversation? Turns out it can be.

Everywhere I ventured somehow the game cancellation came up. Then something really strange happened. The cancellation became a political issue. And from there, the teams that were going to play the match were assigned to individuals as well as political parties.

The teams playing against each other are the biggest in the country. Part of it is history: everyone who grows up in Dar es Salaam is assigned a team at some point. These are the famed and renowned Yanga and Simba football clubs, bitter rivals and frenemies. It is basically impossible to imagine not belonging to one of them. There is a third team. We don’t talk about it. And, yes, I get it. This is a very useful way to channel energy.

I am still not sold, though. The best thing about football is actually playing it, that is all. It is a matter of presence, of sweat, of running so hard you could taste the metal in your mouth. It is the sweet moments of absolute quiet when your feet and body and the ball make a perfect union.

It is the tackle, the jump over the tackle, the intense battle with a relentless attacker over real estate in the most important parts of the pitch. It is when your goalkeeper connects eyes with you and you send their throw right down a series of passes to the striker who was waiting for it.

Yes, I loved football…until I actually had to watch men play it. The game itself remains quite amazing and upon occasion I do see something that makes me smile. But for the most part it has been ruined by one too many overpaid “stars” throwing themselves at the ground and rolling.

When I looked at the various leagues that people around me follow and found the sport corrupted and weighed down with bizarre expectations, not to mention fan violence, I quit on it.

Tanzania is no different. There are a few teams whose names I remember when the occasion presents itself. For the sake of conversation and congenial rivalry, I try to make fun of folks but my heart’s not in it and it shows.

So when one cancelled game became a matter of national news I was vexed into hearing about it all over the place. Most vexatious: some waggy tongues tried to claim the game was delayed because of the President, and Parliament made time to demand an investigation into the situation. I didn’t understand this displacement, I still don’t want it around.

We are a country of easily 60 million souls who need a lot from our public institutions. Adjudicating matters of a sweaty encounter between 22-odd men is not one of them.

Games and competitions have steadily taken the place of outright warfare through human history, which is nice. We still fight way too much but I understand the utility of games in channelling aggression.

The point I am trying to make is that we have spent centuries trying to depoliticise competition through sports so that we can use our finite resources — including youth and raw physical power — in more constructive pursuits. Agriculture, industry, technology, commerce: the list is long.

The further away from true life these sports become, the more frivolous and easily ignored they can be because they are now entertainment. Huge money-generating enterprises that make us think we are watching gladiator matches. And that’s where Big Football belongs now — in fantasy land.

It is a good fantasy land. It should remain a fantasy land. We’re doing our best as a species to put war out there where it won’t hurt anyone. What is so hard to understand about this?

When games trickle back into our politics I feel my patience getting tested. My parliament has a million things it needs to talk about, like the continued stability of this country, our economy, which sometimes seems a bit too precarious. Water, how about just getting water to everyone? When they make time for one match over all these concerns I feel us backsliding.

Meanwhile, Madam President has remained wonderfully inscrutable on the matter, as one should be. I hear presidents are people too, some of our past ones have been known to attend matches. Was it an issue?

The incident made me realise one of my dreams for my country: a Tanzania in which soccer will never again be discussed in Parliament unless it is to congratulate a national team for achievement.

It is true that we are an intense country, and I have claimed before that we can politicise anything: the language just lends itself. But for the first time in a while I got exhausted by the nonsense. Of all the things that need fixing, this one? There is an element of hysteria here that is deeply masculine.

It is past time now to honour the difference between the game and the actual business of living. I despaired at the choice we made. I hope we don’t go there again.

Elsie Eyakuze is a consultant and blogger for The Mikocheni Report: E-mail: [email protected]