Being highly sensitive can ruin your love life

We’re all a bit sensitive at times. Getting bitter and twisted over some friend’s innocent remark.

But it’s possible to be so over-sensitive that it colours your whole life. Making you forever anxious and stopping you from making new friends.

Being highly sensitive is not all bad news as it helps you to empathise with other people. But it can become paralysing. As you endlessly worry about being criticised. People will put you down, and that’s never nice.

But try asking someone who’s made a hurtful remark what they meant. Often you’ll find they weren’t being critical at all.

And if you worry about being rejected, learn to overcome your fears. Because the fear of being rejected can create very damaging patterns of behaviour. Like within relationships, you’re likely to become obsessive, needy and jealous.

If your partner is making small talk at a party, you think it’s a sign they’re going to leave. If they’re late it means that they don’t want to spend time with you. You wreck new relationships by becoming too serious too soon.

And you start avoiding attempts to make new friends. You mustn’t, because if you do your fears will get stronger.

While if you face up to them they’ll gradually fade away. So make lots of social approaches to other people, and tell yourself each time that it’s just practice and it doesn’t count. Which is exactly what it is.

Because practice is the key to overcoming this kind of fear. So each time, imagine a successful outcome and just go for it.

Make your approaches low key and casual, and allow relationships to develop slowly. Monitor your companion’s body language and facial expressions, and only move forward if you’re seeing an open and inviting posture, encouraging smiles and nods.

That way you’ll very rarely hear ‘No’ because you’ll only ask when you’re pretty sure the answer will be ‘Yes!’. And as your skills improve that will happen more often.

But remember that everyone gets turned down from time to time.

Maybe by a potential date, for example, or a possible employer. In fact, the only people who never get rejected are those who never interact with others at all. So never take a brush-off personally. View it as their loss instead of feeling bad about yourself.

Sensitive people also often end up always trying to please others. So be conscious of any tendency to do that. Learn to say ‘No’ if someone’s requests seem unreasonable, or you just want to do something else.

Stay aware of your plans, and don’t let yourself be sidetracked by other people.

You’ll feel more self-confident, and you’ll start to understand why people might sometimes need to say ‘No’ to you.

Sensitive people also find it very hard to accept compliments. So start accepting them!

Graciously! Because they’re confirming something you really need to know. That you’re a nice person, and that people actually like you!