Matatu Chronicles: The Shameless, Annoying Pastors Getting Free Rides

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By Jay Kioko

We are now at The Standard Media Center heading to town. A preacher has just jumped into the matatu holding a very big Bible, the original ones.

“Habari zenu watu wa Mungu. Nimetumwa na Mungu kueneza neno la Bwana, Amen!. Nataka kuwaambia ya kuwa Bwana yuko karibu kurudi na lazima tuwe tayari, Bwana asifiwe……”

Then his phone rang…and he picked it

“Nikyau Kamengele?” He asked.
After 10 seconds he shouted
“K$&*, kumbavu eka unzumbua nî wîani. No muvunaa?”, he screamed

And all the Kambas in the matatu screamed…
The preacher asked the driver to stop so that he could alight and told him as he stepped out of the matatu, “Ningukwîka aalî saa ingî” (I will sort you out some other times)

When all had settled down, I started wondering why we have so many preachers in Ukambani. Whether a matatu is going to Kathithya Maa or Mtito a Ndei or Nairobi, a preacher will always jump in. Then I remembered Pastor Nganga preaching to his congregation. In a viral video, the Sasa TV owner admitted to having slept with multiple women all over the country and impregnated them.

“Mimi ni babu, niko na watoto wengi sana. Wengine wako Kerinyaga, wengine wako ukambani, wengine wako Nakuru. Kisumu sina namba mzuri sana. Sikuwa nimepata vizuri sana. Labda mmoja mmoja hivi kama Mombasa. Lakini Ukambani, ukambani nimemwaga mayao. Eeeeeeeeeh, Ukambani nimetaga mayai kabisa. Nini?Hata naendaga Ukambani naangaria, ‘eeee hii ni kama yagu’, oooh, my Got (God)”

There you have it. Pastor Ngangas generation doing what he does best

The post Matatu Chronicles: The Shameless, Annoying Pastors Getting Free Rides appeared first on LitKenya.

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