The most embarrassing things that happen to us

A funny thing happened to me a few weekends ago, though at the time, there wasn’t anything remotely funny about that incident.

A friend had taken me to run errands early that Saturday morning, errands that involved lots of leg work, walking from one shop to another searching for specific items. By 8am, we were in town already, mentally prepared to face the throngs of people who would be on similar business in downtown Nairobi, where we planned to do the buying because stuff is usually cheaper there.

After sweaty and tiring but successful couple of hours, I offered to buy my friend the breakfast she hadn’t had that morning before we headed home — it was a few minutes to midday, and we figured that it was too early to have lunch.

If anything, all I had left after the shopping was Sh800 and a couple of coins, which I was sure would be enough for a king’s breakfast for two at the humble-looking restaurant we deliberately chose located in a not-so-prosperous part of the CBD.

Famished, and encouraged when I assured her that there was no way a mere breakfast could cost Sh400 in a restaurant that had obviously seen better days, she ordered two fried eggs, a sausage, two slices of bread and a pot of tea.

It sounded good, so I asked for the same, and like my friend, did not bother to look at the menu. We were so hungry and within a few minutes, we had polished our plates and were on our second cups of tea.

Full and eager to get away from the uninspiring environment, I asked the waiter for the bill. And got the shock of my life. The bill had come to a whopping Sh1,225. I was aghast and asked the man, who was standing by our table, whether he was sure he had given me the right bill.

“Ndio … he told me, only for me to ask him again whether he was sure that was our bill.

“Madam, lipa bill vile ulikula bila fujo,” he retorted, sounding irritated, loud enough to catch the attention of the other customers in the small space. To say that I was embarrassed is an understatement.

You too would be if you went to a restaurant and ate food you couldn’t pay for. Anyway, I asked my friend to lend me Sh400 and promised to refund it the following day — I could not wait to get away from this restaurant, which was obviously punching way above its weight — over 1,000 bob for overfried eggs, watery tea and bland bread? I couldn’t believe it.

“I only have Sh200 on me,” my friend whispered, looking alarmed.

“What?!” I whispered back, beginning to feel like a cornered rabbit. The waiter, who was by now openly sneering at us, was still standing there, showing no signs of leaving. We needed another Sh200 to get out of the unpleasant situation or find ourselves in the filthy back room peeling potatoes, or worse, in a battered police car on our way to jail. Spurred by this harrowing image, I called the first person that I was sure could send me the money I needed, only to find that his phone was switched off. Three more tries to three more people and my calls went unanswered.

Panic rising, my friend began to make her own frantic phone calls, only to either get that annoying mteja recording or an unpicked call. It was almost 20 minutes later that I managed to reach someone who sent me the money.

By then, the other customers were openly staring at us, most probably judging these two women who had obviously been on a shopping spree but could not afford to pay for tea and bread.

As we left after paying, the rude waiter heartlessly called out, “Siku ingine kula chakula unaweza afford!”

What’s the most embarrassing situation you have ever been in?