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… of stupid celebrity fights; Nyakundi vs Akothee, Vera Sidika vs Otile, Ali Kiba vs Diamond



By Ekakoro Emm


George Bernard Shaw (apparently) said: I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Another way of putting it goes something like: Never get into a fight with a stupid person. They’ll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

If you are a lover of caustic humor like me, these two statements at some point get rather banal and meaningless.

Yet I have seen their basic truth come to light in a devastating way to some people over the past few weeks.

I am talking about the ‘celebrity’ keyboard fights we’ve witnessed between the likes of Nyakundi and Akothee, and currently, between Akothee and Alai.

There are always ongoing low-key such fights involving ‘celebs’ or socialites and their fans or rivals. Vera Sidika and Huddah easily come to mind (God, how did I even become familiar with these names!). Usually they’re no-holds-barred encounters where anything goes.

Long ago, I made a conscious decision never to follow a celeb of any type, be it political, religious or art. Trust me, if Vera did or said anything I need to hear, somehow it will trickle down into the hobbit hole I occupy. I miss nothing by staying out of their way. Here’s news: if I follow you, it’s because I consider you an ordinary mortal like myself. Occasionally, I do peep into what the Pope has said.

All celebs have cerebral issues. They have this larger-than-life attitude where everything and everyone else is trash unless it is about them. It doesn’t matter that their celebrity status has to do with humility. Secondly, all celebs have cerebral followers and fans who worship the very ground on which their icons walk. It doesn’t matter that in a real-life encounter their icons will even allow them within 20 meters fo themselves.

Simply, never try to criticise Trump or Raila or Uhuru or the Kiunas or even the dumb Huddah unless you thrive on controversy and insults. Some of these cerebral fans see in their icons the dreams they themselves missed and will do anything to defend them because they believe they’re living vicariously for them.

Part of the reason for this ‘cerebrity’ (sic) status of these celebrities is the way they got where they are in the first place. Often, it involved setting aside all scruples and common sense in favour of the overriding goal to be atop the world. Needless to say, it’s a futile ambition.

And then here comes you, a wannabe, looking for five minutes of fame, who was brought up on a diet of humility and modesty, thinking you can wrestle one of these ‘cerebs’ and win!

My friend, these are people for whom no utterance is too base for the general public. These are people for whom vulgarity is the stock–in-trade. It’s what keeps them there. What makes you think you can even hold on for an hour? The only thing you’re likely to leave with is a lot of stinking egg on the face. If you’re lucky, the humiliation will be momentary. Most likely, it’ll leave a long-term scar. Or you could end up suicidal. And all for what?

Just friendly free advice here: if you’re the type that types ‘p*$$¥’ or ‘d*ck’ on posts, stick to writing cooking recipes or ranting about Jubilee corruption like yours truly. Pick your fights. Wait to correct the grammar on my pedestrian posts because the worst I can do is to block you. Depending on how you do it, you could even be a celebrity for all of two minutes. But in the bigger scheme of things, the world won’t even know that either of us existed.

Leave these sh*ts called celebs alone. They’re living off the fame your attention gives them. Besides, they’ll quickly and mercilessly pull you to their level and beat you with experience.

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